Category Archives: Essays

How to Know When to Change Up a Medication

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How to Know When to Change Up a Medication

There is a sure-fire easy answer to this: Talk to your doctor about it! I know many people, especially us mental illness people-types, who think decreasing or taking ourselves off of a psych med is a good idea, especially if we are manic and feeling good. In the past, every time I became hypomanic I would tell my doctor I wanted to try a med reduction and she would say, no the meds are working that is why you feel good. Then we figured out that wanting to come off a med was actually a sign of hypomania for me.

Fast forward to today…Life is becoming very different for me. I have been in some intense therapy, healing from childhood trauma and neglect, for over a year now and finally getting really good at setting boundaries with others and making major changes in my life that more fully align with my values and what I truly want to do and not want to do. Because of this, my mental health is such that I no longer need one of my sleep medications. I am actually sleeping ten times better than I used to with it, when I wasn’t as mentally healthy.

I am still on several other psych meds and am talking with my doctor about the next one to wean off of. She is letting me take the lead on which one to try because one is not necessarily more important than another.

I am weighing out my options based on how hard they are to wean off of, what their current risks and side effects are, and how much they affect my physical health. I know what I want to try because of its current risks and side effects but it happens to be the most difficult one to come off of. I tried once before, many years ago, and the irritability it caused affected my relationships. Granted, I believe now that I cut the dose down too much as I was doing it without my doctor’s supervision (which I said at the beginning of this post is a big no-no.)

With my doctor’s help this time I will tell her my concern and hopefully, we can find a way to minimize the irritability and get me off of this med in particular.

Have you tried weaning off a psych med with or without your doctor’s supervision? I’d love to hear about your experience.

P.S. In my last post, I wrote about having a goal of writing blogs of 600+ words. That blog post was about 200 words and this one is a little over 400. I am making progress!

Navigating Daily Routine Challenges in Mental Illness

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Maintaining a Daily Routine with Mental Illness is Difficult

As I was considering what topic to write about this week, my mind was drawing a blank.  I felt unmotivated and fatigued, like I didn’t have the energy needed to stick to my routine of posting an article every Monday.  I wanted to just forget about it but then I asked myself why it is so hard for me to stick to any kind of routine. 

For example, some days I am up and productive but on many others I am laying in bed a lot.  I don’t shower each day. I exercise sporadically. I clean my house when the mood strikes me. So I did some research and found that sticking to a routine can be challenging for individuals with mental illness due to several factors:

1. Symptoms: Conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder can cause fluctuations in energy, motivation, and mood, making it difficult to maintain consistency.

2. Cognitive Challenges: Disorders such as ADHD and schizophrenia can affect concentration, memory, and organization, complicating routine adherence.

3. Medication Side Effects: Some medications used to treat mental illnesses can cause fatigue, drowsiness, or other side effects that interfere with daily activities.

4. Stress and Overwhelm: Managing symptoms and treatment can be overwhelming, making it hard to focus on a structured routine.

5. Lack of Support: Limited support from family, friends, or healthcare providers can make it harder to stick to routines and manage symptoms effectively.

My research advises that “individualized strategies, professional support, and self-compassion are crucial in developing and maintaining a routine.”  That is not so helpful, in my opinion, and I am wondering if you maintain a routine and what helps you do so?

Understanding Monkey Mind: Strategies for Inner Peace

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Have you ever heard of the term “monkey mind”? I hadn’t until my counselor told me I had it during a recent session. It is something I can relate to and now I am looking for ways to deal with it. If you have a monkey mind, maybe these suggestions will be helpful to you, too!

Photo by Jayanth Muppaneni on Unsplash

What is “Monkey Mind?”

“Monkey mind” is a term from Buddhism that refers to a restless, unsettled, or confused state of mind. It’s when your thoughts jump from one idea to another, much like a monkey swinging from tree to tree. This mental state can be distracting, making it difficult to focus or achieve a sense of inner peace.

How Can We Deal With Monkey Mind?

Here are some strategies you can try to deal with monkey mind:

1. Mindfulness Meditation: Practice focusing on your breath or a single point of attention to train your mind to stay in the present moment.

2. Deep Breathing: Use deep, slow breaths to calm the nervous system and bring your focus back to the present.

3. Physical Exercise: Engage in activities like yoga, walking, or other forms of exercise to help reduce mental restlessness. My favorites are Tai Chi and Qigong.

4. Limit Multitasking: Focus on one task at a time to reduce mental clutter and improve concentration. And focus on doing the task slowly and deliberately.

5. Create a Routine: Establishing a daily routine can help create a sense of order and stability in your mind.

6. Reduce Stimuli: Limit exposure to distractions such as social media, news, and other sources of information overload. I don’t watch the news and I put my phone away when I am waiting in line or in a waiting room and just look around at things.

7. Journal: Writing down your thoughts can help clear your mind and make it easier to focus. This is a great way to cope with monkey mind and many mental health issues which is why I started this blog “Write into the Light!”

8. Good sleep: Ensure you get enough rest, as sleep is crucial for mental clarity and focus.

Hopefully, these techniques can help you and me manage and reduce the effects of a monkey mind, leading to a clearer head and a feeling of peace and calm.

What other strategies can you think of to cope with monkey mind?

Connection with Others Who Have Mental Health Issues

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In an attempt to build up the Write into the Light community, I am committing to post a blog every Monday when possible. I want to get back to providing informative and engaging articles on mental health topics.

It has been difficult for me over the last several years because one of my medications has greatly diminished my creative processes. Additionally, I am no longer on another medicine that used to help me focus and concentrate.

Therefore, I have decided to research topics and enlist the help of an AI app to help me create reliable, organized, and detailed content. I want to be completely transparent about this because I want to maintain the trust and faith you have shown me by your support of my writing over the past 13 years.

If you have any questions or requests for specific topics, please let me know in the comments. Thank you so much!

What It Is Like to Have Borderline Personality Disorder

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Image by Alana Jordan from Pixabay

“Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to manage their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others.”

– National Institute of Mental Health

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) include the following.

  • Fear of abandonment
  • Unstable relationships
  • Unclear or shifting self-image
  • Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors
  • Self-harm
  • Extreme emotional swings
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Explosive anger
  • Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality

I have some of these symptoms but not all of them all of the time. I do fear my significant other leaving me through death. At this point we have enough history together that I don’t believe he will leave me willingly like I used to.

My self-image is in constant flux. I don’t know if I am a good person or a bad person much of the time. I often question my state of mind – whether I am mentally unstable or not, and whether my assessment of reality is true or not. I constantly seek reassurance from my significant other on these matters because I don’t trust my own judgement.

I used to have unstable relationships and impulsive self-destructive behaviors, including self harm, when I was younger. I still have the compulsion to self-harm when I become intensely overwhelmed by my emotions but I rarely give into it as it passes very quickly.

I have extreme emotional swings often within the same day and sometimes within the same hour! I don’t usually understand why this is happening or where the trigger is coming from. Although mindfulness helps me realize that it almost always has something to do with my thoughts – the story I am telling myself about events happening outside of me and within.

I do have chronic feelings of emptiness, often feeling like I have no purpose in life; constantly fighting feelings of loneliness and boredom.

I have problems with explosive anger when I feel like people have been unfair or unjust with myself or others. I have learned to curtail my anger in most other situations but those in which I become judgemental and intolerant my rage can be destructive to myself and my significant other who has to bear the brunt of my complaining and lamenting.

I am suspicious and question people’s motives ALL. OF. THE. TIME. I take things personally and tend to put myself at the center of the universe which makes everyone’s actions about ME instead of what they truly are which is about themselves and what they are dealing with or bringing to the situation based on their own beliefs, values, and histories. This is something that pains me most days and it is quite the hard habit to break.

I practice mindfulness, including in meditation; I pray to my higher self which helps me gain insight into my feelings and behaviors. I do movement therapy including stretching, yoga poses, and Tai chi. I deal with this mental illness along with several others in addition to chronic pain, so I suppose I am doing fairly well in spite of these things. I am always looking to do better, however, so if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments and tell me if you relate to anything I said in this article. Thank you.

New Issue of Turtle Way Journal is Out

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Turtle Way is Write into the Light’s online literary art journal featuring poetry, prose, and art from people with mental illness and those who love them.

Check it out!

How I Feel During a Depressive Episode

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When I am depressed the world turns gray. I feel lethargic, weighed down, and numb. I spend a lot of time laying in bed, awake sometimes, but mostly sleeping. I like the curtains drawn. I lose interest in all things that used to bring me joy such as being with family and friends, engaging in my hobbies, and taking care of myself by showering and eating. When I have no appetite I am definitely depressed.

For me, being depressed is a type of torture that is hard to explain. It’s having no joy or interest in life which creates a kind of boredom and hopelessness deep in my heart all the while being stuck in this extremely slow passage of time where a minute feels like a day and I just don’t know how I am going to get through so many of them.

What does it feel like when you’re in a depressive episode ?

How I Feel During a Manic Episode

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I have bipolar type 2 disorder, so as opposed to becoming manic I experience something called hypomania. How I feel during a hypomanic episode can vary, but most often I feel driven to accomplish many creative tasks at one time. I will write, paint, do photography, and even rearrange the furniture in the house when I am hypomanic, sometimes all in the same day.

I tend to require less sleep during a hypomanic episode. I also feel agitated, irritable, and impatient during this time. My temper is shorter and I seem to have more conflicts with others than normal.

Some people enjoy their hypomania because they feel energized and creative. I do not enjoy the heavy push to accomplish things and the irritability towards other people and the world in general. For me, hypomania is just as uncomfortable and distressing as depression only in different ways.

How do you feel during a manic episode?

Times When I Feel Most Understood in Terms of My Bipolar Disorder

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The times I feel most understood in terms of my bipolar disorder are when I read #bipolarclub posts on Twitter. I don’t think people can really understand what it is like to have bipolar disorder unless they have it themselves. When people talk about their symptoms and their struggles with bipolar disorder, I feel so understood and less alone in my own issues in dealing with it.

I also have a sibling who has bipolar disorder and she and I have had many good chuckles over how similar we are in our reactions to life in light of our bipolar disorder. It’s important to connect with other people who are going through the same symptoms as you are, so that you don’t feel like you’re the only one experiencing them. For me, connecting with others who have bipolar disorder makes me feel like I’m a part of something valid and that I’m not just “crazy.”

When do you feel most understood in terms of your bipolar disorder? Tell me about it in the comments. Also, follow me on Twitter.

New Issue of Turtle Way is Out

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Check it out! Art, poetry, photography…all in support of those with mental illness.

https://turtleway.wordpress.com