Am I My Illness?

I’ve started this place on my phone where I keep blog post ideas and rough drafts because I have so many bits and pieces of information flying through my head at one time that I get completely overwhelmed at the thought of sitting down and writing something out.

I attribute these rapid thoughts to my anxiety disorder or to possible depressive symptoms such as the inability to focus or concentrate long enough to organize disjointed ideas into a single theme.

Then I get to thinking, is this it? Is everything always because of my mental illnesses? Is my difficulty writing or remembering or socializing or driving or losing weight or parenting or making friends all due to mental illness? How do I distinguish that which is part of my personality from that which is my illness? Are they one in the same?

I’m not going to pretend to have the answer and quite honestly this is not a rhetorical question. I would love for some feedback here because I have read on numerous occasions well-meaning memes that state “you are not your illness” when I think sometimes maybe I am.

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Bipolar: Commitment Issues Plus H.O.W. to Journal

There are many difficult aspects of having bipolar disorder. This I know since I suffer from it. The mood instability, which can vary from being manic or very upbeat and reckless to depressed, to the point of being suicidal, can wreak havoc on my life in many ways.

Bipolar and Commitment Issues

One of the main things I experience is the inability to commit to anything long term for fear that what I have the energy and motivation for now I soon will not when a depressive episode takes over. I feel like I have to leave my schedule flexible and open so that I can say no to things at all times without reprecussions.

It is hard to find that kind of arrangement in today’s workplace. Currently, I am self-employed, working independently in the creative arts field and that is going well for me.

Still I would rather be able to commit to more long term projects in my field so as to collaborate with other artists. It is isolating to have to do it this way.

Bipolar and Isolation

Bipolar by nature is an isolating disorder. It sets me apart from my family and friends because they do not have the disorder and do not understand the fluctuations in my moods, the agitation, anxiety, irritability, anger, saddness, or suicidal thoughts.

However, this is okay. I have my doctor and counselors and peers, including you, dear reader, who know exactly what I am talking about.

Bipolar and Journaling

I also have one of the best ways to cope with the frustrations of dealing with all of these bipolar difficulties and that is to write about them! Have you ever tried it? If not, please do!

Get it all out on paper or the screen. Spill it out of your head so it’s not mucking up your thoughts anymore. If you don’t release it physically, it will never go away.

H.O.W. to Journal

Just do what you can, when you can. It will all work itself out if you keep an open mind and are willing to do the work and be honest. That is H.O.W. you can journal:
1)Honesty
2)(with an) Open mind
3)Willingness (to do the work.)

If you have any questions or want to chat, leave a comment. Good luck!

Is Mental Illness Real?

Mental illness is “any of a broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distress or disability and that are typically associated with a disruption in normal thinking, feeling, mood, behavior, interpersonal interactions, or daily functioning.*”

I listened to a talk today by a behaviorist who proprosed that mental illness is not a medical condition but rather a dysfunction of our subconscious programming mostly likely which occurred during childhood. He stated that in order to change our moods and negative behaviors, such as anxiety attacks, depression, anger, lack of motivation, sadness, etc. , we don’t need medication or therapy. What we need is to change our subconscious programming, which will in turn improve our state of being and positively affect everything in our life.

He said we must also develop an attitude of acceptance (versus resistance.) The more you resist something the stronger it becomes. Accepting doesn’t mean you don’t try and change things that need changing. It just means you aren’t resisting it as it is in the moment you are in.

For example, I am trying to lose weight by changing my eating habits. I am accepting where I am now with my weight by not beating myself up about how far I have yet to go and by saying to myself that it is what it is and I accept what is without judgement, while still making changes. If I was resistant to my weight as it is now, I would be filled with frustration and self-loathing and would probably give up on my goals fairly quickly. In fact, I have done this many times in the past.

He didn’t really explain how to change the subconscious programming except to plug his own life coaching services for further help in this area. I think his ideas on acceptance are very useful and beneficial to everyday living. I highly recommend living life in a state of peaceful acceptance.

I felt very discouraged by his claim that people don’t need medication or therapy to eliminate stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental conditions in their life. He even said migraines could be eliminated immediately using the above techniques.

It scares me to think that people are advising others to go without treatments that could potentially save their lives. One thing does not work for everyone. So, please if you are reading this, be open to all possibilities when it come to mental illness treatment, because mental illness IS REAL and it may take all types of treatments to address it.

*”Mental Illness.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 15 May 2018.

Mental Health and Faith

For many people faith can be a wonderful aid in combating some of their mental health issues. Along with good medical and self care, prayer and spiritual meditation can go a long way in providing emotional health.

One of the most frequent commands used in the Bible is “be not afraid.” For those with anxiety disorders, faith in this directive may release people from some of their fears. The faith that all will be well in the end can sometimes be enough to get them through a moment or hour or even a day, if all other factors, such as medication and self care, are in working order.

Depression is a mood disorder that by definition brings people to a state of hopelessness. Someone with great faith may be able able to ward off the despair long enough to get help out of the depressed state before it gets dangerously bad, for faith breeds hope and hope combats depression.

It is best not to wait until you are experiencing mental illness symptoms to practice acts of faith. Engaging in daily spiritual activities will make it much easier for you to use your faith to your advantage when mental illness symptoms take hold.

Personally, I read scripture and meditate on it daily. I pray daily. I attend two different spiritual discussion groups weekly and I read spiritual books on a regular basis.

You don’t have to do a lot of things. Start off by doing one thing consistently. Even something as simple as a gratitude prayer said daily can make a huge difference on your mental health.

How does your faith affect your mental health?

Call for Literary and Art Submissions

Turtle Way™ is Write into the Light’s online creative arts magazine showcasing the work of individuals suffering and recovering from mental illness. Its mission is to offer experience, strength and hope to those who are living with mental illnesses.

Each issue of Turtle Way™ may include poetry, photography, artwork, and prose (including quotes, meditations, opinion pieces and essays) from individuals with mental illness and/or those who love them.

It has been quite some time since an issue has been published, but I would like to put another one together soon. So, please check out the submission guidelines here if you are interested in being a part of this project.

Mental Health and the Highly Sensitive Person

Do you ever find that noises are just too loud? Lights are too bright? Scents that don’t seem to bother others are noxious to you? You’re always either cold or hot? You find yourself exhausted after spending time with people? If so, you may be what psychologist, Elaine Aron, calls a “Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).”

About Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

HSP have super sensitive nervous systems that pick up on external stimuli more easily than most other people’s do. They also have a hard time filtering out or ignoring cues in their environment that are irrelevant to their situation.

For example, when having a conversation with someone at a party, a HSP may become distracted by the other conversations going on around them instead of being able to tune them out. Or they may not be able to concentrate on reading a book in a quiet room with a clock ticking softly nearby.

Cluttered countertops, the noise level of a cheering crowd at a sporting event, a crying baby, a windy day, a sunny day, a hot day, tight clothes, or a dirty bathroom can all send a HSP over the edge into an anxiety attack or severe agitation.

HSP also tend to over respond emotionally to situations. They can easily pick up on the emotions of others and can even feel drained or stressed out by negative emotional content portrayed on television or in movies.

Because of their decreased ability to regulate their emotional response to stimuli, HSP often have mental health disorders such as bipolar, depression, and anxiety.

What to do if you are a HSP?

  1. Recognize the warning signs. Take notice when you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, anxious or agitated. Ask yourself, “Am I having a highly sensitive response to some neutral external or internal trigger right now?”
  2. Identify the trigger. Is it something outside of yourself like noise, light, temperature, or smells? Or is it something internal like fatigue, hunger or physical pain?
  3. Have a plan in place to counter act your triggers. Use headphones to block out irritating noises; sunglasses to mute lighting, cold compress to cool off, if hot. Bring a sweater or dress in layers, if cold. Spray perfume on the back of your index finger and inconspicuously bring to your nose to block out environmental odors. Drink green tea for fatigue; carry healthy snack for unexpected hunger pains and pain medicine for unexpected flare ups. Take time outs from social gatherings in your car, in the bathroom or back bedroom or leave early. Drive yourself so you can leave when you need to. Wear comfortable clothing, get a simple hair style, stay organized, and keep a routine.

All of these things can help a Highly Sensitive Person thrive. Are you a HSP? How so? What helps you cope?