Category Archives: Research, Reviews & Resources

Dealing with Agoraphobia

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agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which one feels and often avoids situations that may cause them to feel panicky, trapped, helpless, or embarrassed. Using public transportation, being in a crowd, and standing in line are a few examples. According to the Mayo Clinic,

You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fears can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.

I definitely identify with this as I only feel safe leaving my house if my husband is with me. It is especially hard for me to drive myself anywhere. He has to be the one to drive. I believe my fears have to do with previous anxieties experienced in crowded situations. The noise and unpredictable stimuli of people merely moving around me is anxiety-producing for me. I don’t know why and I don’t know how to stop it, but I do know that I am tired of it controlling my life!

I take a PRN anti-anxiety med before going to any social event, which helps a great deal. However, I have to ration them because my doctor only prescribes me five of these pills a month per our agreement due to my addiction history. Thus, I am left with no medication assistance when I have to go to places like the store or to some of my kids’ activities.

So, what’s been happening over the past three weeks is I have been working myself up into an anxious state before leaving the house to do anything by telling myself how awful it is going to be and how much I DON’T want to go. I now realize this type of thinking has to stop if I am to find any relief.

Therefore, I have dug out my DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) binder to review some skills to help me regulate my emotions. I am starting with “Wise Mind” which is the part of our mind where “Emotional Mind” (our thoughts based on distressing feelings) and “Reasonable Mind” (rational thoughts) merge together (what I want to do vs. what I should do.) Wise Mind says, Yes, our Reasonable Mind is right, but Emotional Mind is important and needs to be validated, too. It is all about having compassion for yourself while still pushing yourself to do what is out of your comfort zone.

Last month, I overextended myself by doing way too much out of my comfort zone without checking in with my feelings and wants. I completely ignored Emotional Mind and blindly succumbed to Reasonable Mind, which over time lead to a state of depression and extreme anxiety – throwing me full force into Emotional Mind. Hopefully, with my new-found awareness I can now start using my Wise Mind to get back on track to emotional well-being and productive living!

What type of “Mind” do you tend to have – Wise, Emotional, or Reasonable? How does this affect your emotional health?

New Issue of Turtle Way Mental Health Journal Just Published

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Check out the just published online issue of Turtle Way, a literary art journal written by those with mental illness. Poetry, prose, research, humor, photography, and more…

Post Holiday Post

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happy new yearI don’t know about you, but I have been recovering from the holidays for the past two weeks.  This has included dealing with a wide range of emotions from severe anxiety to a touch of depression to a bit of elation, and four migraines.  Ouch!

I handled the actual holiday days well thanks to good self-care during the weeks prior and to anxiety meds on the days of.  What surprised me was how anxious I felt on the days that followed.  I lay in bed for two days after Christmas filled with panic and stress, and couldn’t believe it, because all the stressful stuff was over.  Then I found this great article on what the author calls “post holiday hangover.”  She describes it as “a psychologically tired and bloated feeling resulting from excess of seemingly everything.”  This is exactly what I was experiencing.

She suggested doing an “emotional cleanse” to help deal with this type of hangover.  An emotional cleanse includes ramping up on self-care, letting go of the self-critic, accepting that everything is as it should be, organizing and cleaning your surroundings, acknowledging your feelings and then letting them go, letting go of resentments and negativity of the past year.

I recommend reading the full article by Joyce Marter here.  How are your post holiday days going?  Happy New Year!

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New Issue of Turtle Way – a journal for those with Mental Illness

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Happy Friday, everyone! A new issue of Turtle Way was just published. Read it here, and have a beautiful weekend.

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Mental Illness and the Power of Now

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I’ve been reading the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, for about ten months. I can only read a few pages at a time before it becomes too intense in its truths and suggestions for my brain to handle. It’s a fascinating book that gives me a lot to think about and meditate on.

Today, I wanted to share a quote from the book that particularly related to my mental illness symptoms, and maybe to yours as well. It has to do with surrender, which Tolle explains is an inside job, meaning that while you can take action to try to change the overall situation if you want to, you still need to accept the tiny segment of Now that is occurring.

If I equate this with my mental health symptoms, I may need to accept, for example, that I am feeling sad and agitated at the present moment. Overall, I have been feeling this way for the past week, which I can work towards changing by reporting these symptoms to my doctor, praying, writing, and focusing on what tasks I have in front of me – in the Now.

It is when I do not accept or surrender to my current feelings that I become even more depressed and agitated to the point of wanted to harm myself in some way. (Some people may cut, abuse drugs or alcohol, overeat, engage in risky behavior, or attempt suicide.)

So, here is the quote:

“Non-surrender hardens your psychological form, the shell of the ego, and so creates a strong sense of separateness. The world around you and people in particular come to be perceived as threatening. The unconscious compulsion to destroy others through judgment arises, as does the need to compete and dominate. Even nature becomes your enemy and your perceptions and interpretations are governed by fear. The mental disease that we call paranoia is only a slightly more acute form of this normal but dysfunctional state of consciousness.

Not only your psychological form but also your physical form – your body – becomes hard and rigid through resistance. Tension arises in different parts of the body, and the body as a whole contracts. The free flow of life energy through the body, which is essential for its healthy functioning, is greatly restricted. Bodywork and certain forms of physical therapy can be helpful in restoring this flow, but unless you practice surrender in your every day life, those things can only give temporary symptom relief since the cause – the resistance pattern – has not been dissolved.”

Aren’t these ideas amazing to ponder? I can relate to all of them. I have a fear of people hurting me; feel like I am in competition with everyone; filled with fear of natural disasters, or some harm coming to one of my children. Fear rules my life, and I don’t want it to.

Physically I am usually in pain – tension headaches, muscle cramps, migraines, neck stiffness, clenched jaw, exhaustion, etc. I exercise, go to the chiropractor, and get massages to try to relieve my physical pain. The results are always temporary, lasting a day or two at the most.

I must work on surrendering to what is in the Now. I must work on dissolving the “resistance pattern.” But, how? I will keep reading and let you know what I find.

What are your thoughts on this? How do you work on surrendering in your daily life?

Are People with Bipolar Disorder Lazy?

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bipolar couch

A recent study reported that those of us with bipolar disorder are significantly more sedentary than those who do not have the disorder. Health professionals recommend 150 minutes of moderate to rigorous physical activity per week. Apparently, we of the bipolar persuasion sit on our duffs for 78% of the day while “nonusers of mental health services” are sedentary for only 59% of the day.

I get it…the numbers don’t lie. But, I’d like to let those researchers in on a little secret: we aren’t sitting around in a completely dulled state. More often than not, our minds are going 250,000 miles per minute thinking of project after project; worrying about the past; projecting into the future, and wishing more than anything that the pesky hamster taking speed, who continuously runs on the wheel inside our heads, would take a friggin’ nap already!

Wouldn’t it be great if mental activity burned as many calories as physical activity? Although, then we’d all have to be treated for anorexia, now, wouldn’t we?

bipolar wheel

Or maybe we are in a dulled state. Why? Oh gee, could it be the multitude of medications we are on, or are we really just lazy? Don’t get me wrong – the researchers did NOT say we were lazy. That is my inference alone; I take 100% responsibility for it. They did however conclude that:

“From public health and clinical perspectives, these findings justify physical activity interventions targeting adults with [bipolar disorder],” ~ Janney et al.

I just have one question for Janney et al: Do you et al want me to vigorously workout before or after I take my daily dose of Seroquel? In other words, give me a medication regime that doesn’t include fatigue as a major side effect, and I’ll race you to the gym!

Can anyone relate?

Check out more posts on Bipolar Disorder:
Bipolar Disorder and Memory Problems
Impulsive Behavior and Substance Abuse in Bipolar Disorder
Jealousy and Poor Sense of Identity in Bipolar Borderline
Boredom – Is It Depression or Mania?

Are you newly diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder? Check out these videos from fellow peers with Bipolar as they give words of encouragement to let you know you are not alone even though “you’ve got this!” (a Healthline campaign.)

Lastly, subscribe to my blog to receive more fun, fact-filled bipolar posts by using the ‘follow by email button’ or fill out the contact form below.

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Bipolar Disorder and Memory Problems

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memory

A recent study in Bipolar Disorder found that those with the disorder had prospective memory impairments compared to those without the disorder. Prospective memory is the ability to plan to do something and later remember to carry it out.

Just today my prospective memory failed me as I had plan to make a crock pot meal for supper which involved combining the ingredients and turning the crock pot on low five hours ahead of when we planned on eating. I became engaged in other tasks, namely watching TV and stressing about getting my house cleaned for company this weekend, before I realized it was four hours before dinnertime and I hadn’t even started preparing the crock pot meal!

Now this isn’t as tragic as forgetting to take an infant out of the car before going into the store, or leaving a scalpel inside a patient after surgery, which are both examples of failing prospective memory, but it was annoying nonetheless.  Next time I will set the timer on my microwave to remind me when I should have started the meal prep.

Here are some other ways to improve your prospective memory:

  • use checklists
  • write out when and where you intend to complete a future task
  • use calendar alerts on your cell phone to remind you to do a task
  • do not put off important tasks for later; do them now
  • write the reminder on your hand
  • tie a string around your finger
  • leave a note on the door you exit everyday

How do you remember to do something later?

Impulsive Behavior and Substance Abuse in Bipolar Disorder

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drinking

A recent study published in Bipolar Disorder found that

“trait impulsivity is elevated and neurocognitive functioning is impaired in patients with bipolar disorder irrespective of whether they have a substance abuse history.” ~medwireNews

Does this mean we need not worry about how much we drink? Of course not! Alcohol is a depressant – not good for those of us on mood stabilizers. How can our medications, which have such a hard time managing our symptoms to begin with, stand a chance when we are mixing other mood altering substances with them? They don’t.

This was the type of logic my therapist used to get me to take a look at my own drinking habits. I found that when I tried to stop drinking or limit the amount I drank, I became irritable and restless. When I found that I couldn’t stay stopped even when I honestly wanted to, I finally realized I was an alcoholic.

Those with alcoholism feel the wrath of insanity at some point near the end of their drinking careers. Those of us with a double whammy of having alcoholism and a mental illness feel it like no other, which is why it is so important to get the help you need to become substance-free if you want to give your mental health regimen a chance to actually work.

I have been sober for over nine years in a row, now. Has this saved me from the throes of hypomania and serious depression? No. Has it saved my life? Yes. Because if I would have been drinking, I strongly believe I would not have been able to control my impulses to engage in risky behavior while manic, and to commit suicide while depressed.

Have you ever thought about the way drinking or drug use has negatively affected your mental health? It may be worth looking into if you are symptomatic, and desperate enough to get well.

If you think you have a problem with alcohol or drugs check online or in your local phone book for the nearest treatment center or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group. AA World Services can be found at http://www.aa.org

What’s Good About Depression?

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depression

Researchers say there are some positives to having depression. I am not so sure I agree with them. Let’s take a look at what they are saying:

  • Depression makes you a better problem-solver because you need to figure out (usually with the help of a therapist) how to deal with your existing symptoms and the problems they cause in your life.

My thought on this is if we knew how to deal with our problems in the first place, many of us wouldn’t have became depressed to begin with.

  • Depression forces you to learn how to cope, again, usually with the help of a therapist or professional of some sort. Admittedly, researchers say that those who are depressed often initially choose poor coping mechanisms such as drinking.

So what I am hearing is that many of us had poor coping mechanisms which probably increased our chances of becoming depressed in the first place. I don’t see the positive in this.

  • You have better relationships because those who are depressed become better, as part of their healing process, at prioritizing what is and who is important in their lives.

Again, this suggests that before professional help, we did not have the ability to prioritize well. I know this was the case for me as I put financial security above my relationships and my own mental health which lead to a breakdown that almost cost me my life.

  • Depression can make us more compassionate to others going through hard times.

This I totally agree with, hands down! You can’t really understand what a person is going through unless you have been there yourself.

  • We are better at dealing with stress after going through the process, with a therapist, of figuring out what went wrong and how to avoid or manage future stressful times.

While this is true, again, it points to the fact that we did not deal with stress very well before the depression took over.

  • We are more realistic because we better understand what we have control over and what we don’t in life.

Again, we do now, but not before the depression took hold.

  • We can detect deception because we tend to have a more “realistic” view on life.

Realistic? How about pessimistic or cynical – those would be my choice of words.

Don’t get me wrong – I love that research is trying to say there are benefits to having depression. It is all about looking at the glass half-full, I suppose. But, if your depression is anything like mine, there wasn’t any water in the glass to begin with. What are your thoughts on this?

Submissions Now Open

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Turtle Way™ is Write into the Light‘s online literary art magazine. Our primary purpose is to deliver hope to those with mental illness through original works of literature and art that we create as we cope with and heal from our own mental illnesses.

We are currently accepting submissions in the following areas for our fall 2013 issue:
•poetry
•prose
•short-story fiction and non-fiction
•essays, opinion pieces
•meditations, inspirations
•photography
•artwork
•jokes, cartoons, humor (PG or G ratings only)
•facts about mental illness (with link to source)

DEADLINE for next issue’s submissions is August 31, 2013.

To be a part of our mission, please submit your original work for consideration in our next issue scheduled for publication in the fall of 2013 by closely following the submission guidelines posted at http://turtleway.wordpress.com/about-2/submission-guidelines/