Part of having a debilitating mental illness often includes thoughts of suicide. They are thoughts that come of their own accord. We do not wish them upon ourselves or create them of our own volition. They seem to appear out of no where, haunting our minds and our emotions; taunting our very existence.
Others may not understand these thoughts, but we know they are just another symptom of our depression. Just like sleep disturbances, appetite changes, loss of concentration, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and hopelessness, suicidal thoughts are another sign, although the most serious sign, that our depression is present.
When we are having these thoughts we must tell a professional or family member or friend about them. We must not keep these thoughts to ourselves. They are like poison and can be lethal if left untold and untreated.
Today, if I am having suicidal thoughts I will tell someone about them and seek profession help. The peace I long for is to be had in this life. I will fight for it. I will find it. It will be mine!