Observe your thoughts, but don’t judge them, or necessarily agree with them. Merely observe and acknowledge.
Tag Archives: bpd
Let’s Talk About Mental Illness
A single conversation with a wise man is worth a month’s study of books. ~ Chinese Proverb
Today, we may keep our thoughts and worries to ourselves. We may search for explanations within the craziness of our minds. We may consult books and the internet to find answers for why we feel anxious, depressed, and hopeless, and how to fix it. We may suffer alone in the madness, telling ourselves that no one understands how we feel, that we are unique in the torture we suffer.
Or we can be open-minded to the possibility that like us there are others who experience the pains of mental illness. We can seek out those who have been where we are; ask them about their experiences and how they cope. We can lean on others for strength.
Sometimes the problem is not that we don’t have the answers but that we aren’t willing to discuss the questions with another human being. We often and unknowingly perpetuate our symptoms by searching for peace on our own.
It is in reaching out, asking for assistance, and making ourselves vulnerable, if only by talking to an understanding and trustworthy person about our thoughts and feelings, that we find peace. If I surround myself with others who understand and support me, I will survive. Afterall, we certainly won’t be crazy at the same time! I will lean on others when I need to and they will lean on me in turn.
Today, I will talk to someone about what is going on inside of my head instead of isolating, and I will know peace.
Need someone to talk to? Need someone to listen who understands? I get it. Leave a comment and let’s share about it.
Mental Health Goal #1
The Stigma of Mental Illness
“The challenge we all face is how to integrate after loss or conflict and return to a greater wholeness of self. This is accomplished through social supports, coping, and other resources. This we call the process of emotional healing…” – from People Can Recover From Mental Illness, an article by Daniel Fisher, M.D., Ph.D. and Laurie Ahern
When it comes to mental illness what can I say that has not already been said? Not that it matters. Maybe it does. I don’t know. All I know is that I have it and so do others – others like me, who are stigmatized by the ignorance of those who don’t have it; by those who have it but don’t know it; by those who have it but act like they don’t.
How can one understand an experience if they can’t experience it first hand? I don’t believe they can. Intellectually they may be able to comprehend the phenomenon, but bodily, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, they cannot.
In my experience, except for three people in my life (one being my therapist), others do not even want to understand. It is so far beyond their comprehension that they don’t even ask questions, research, or read about mental illness. Only one other in addition to the above three shows sincere concern for my symptoms and experiences with mental illness. I am grateful that I at least have four people who care. I probably have more but they either don’t know how to show it or don’t know enough to know they should show it.
I don’t think the stigma of mental illness will ever go away outside of those who actually have it. If people could only open their minds and their hearts to see beyond the craziness, the depression, the manic behaviors, the anger, the insecurities, the social anxiety, and the dissociation – all of which most people have to some degree or another, though they’d never admit it – then maybe they would see a soul; souls who just like them are doing the best they can within the physical limitations of their bodies and minds. Maybe then they would learn how to validate rather than ignore or worse, shun or even worse, judge. Maybe then they could become allies to our healing journeys rather than obstacles.
Writing Moment by Moment #23 and #24
#23 – A beautiful person gave me permission to accept help without feeling guilty and to take extra-special care of myself because I am “going through a healing period” which I need not minimize. A weight lifted from me in that moment.
#24 – I think that I finally get what “mindfulness” means versus distraction. Here’s a fun fact:
“Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density…in brain regions involved in learning and memory processes, emotion regulation, self-referential processing, and perspective taking.” ~Psychiatry Res. 2011 Jan 30;191(1):36-43. Epub 2010 Nov 10
Now, to practice it…
What moment are you grateful for today? I had three wonderful “in the moment” moments today – the above two and a third which I posted here.
For more on “Writing Moment by Moment” click here.
I Hate You – don’t leave me Book Review
“Am I losing my mind?” is the question in large, bold-red letters on the back of the first edition of Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus’s I Hate You – don’t leave me, a non-fiction book about borderline personality disorder (BPD.) Kreismnan, a medical doctor, and Straus, a “health writer,” “offer much-needed advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope” with this disorder.
The book was published (copyright 1989) when BPD was not yet well-understood. Therefore, more recent and effective management techniques for families and those with BPD are not available in this edition as they may be in the second edition which was released in 2010.
However, the symptoms and theories behind the causes and/or correlations of the disorder remain similar to what they were twenty years ago. I Hate You- don’t leave me delves into these issues in both an objective and subjective way.
The authors provide statistical facts as well as many case-study examples of the similarities that those with BPD share. Those with the disorder will probably be able to identify with the first three chapters which are:
1. The World of the Borderline
2. Chaos and Emptiness
3. Roots of the Borderline Symptoms
In chapter four, The Borderline Society, many theories attempting to explain the shifts in our culture as possible causes for this disorder are explored with particular attention given to the authors’ own biases, including the breakdown of the nuclear family, an increase in two-wage earning households, and geographical instability. Moreover, the authors state:
“Like the world of the borderline, ours in many ways is a world of massive contradictions. We presume to believe in peace yet our streets, movies, television, and sports are filled with aggression and violence.”
“Ideally we, as individuals and as a society – attempt to achieve a balance between nurturing the body and the mind, between work and leisure, between altruism and self-interest. But in an increasingly materialistic society, it is a small step from assertiveness to aggressiveness, from individualism to alienation, from self-preservation to self-absorption.”
[And finally,] “The price tag of social change has come in the form of stress and stress-related physical disorders, such as heart attacks, strokes, and hypertension. We must now confront the possibility that mental illness has become part of the psychological price.”
The last half of the book addresses those who have contact with individuals with BPD, including family members, friends, and therapists. While these chapters give practical suggestions on ways to communicate with people who have BPD and also, how to cope with their anger explosions, rapid moods swings, suspiciousness, impulsive actions, and inconsistent communications, if someone with BPD were to read these chapters, they may – due to the very nature of their disorder – be offended.
In summary, the authors, by their own admission, try to cover issues affecting both the individual with BPD and those whose lives are affected by someone with BPD, which leaves us with one book that has two halves; the first half being useful to those with the disorder and the second half being useful to families and others. I think two separate books would have been more ideal.
Do you or someone you know have borderline personality disorder? Have you ever read I Hate You – don’t leave me? If you did, was it helpful to you?
Write into the Light 