So, wow, it’s been four months since I have written in my journal. I’ve been researching for a guest post about how beneficial journaling is for your mental health, so I thought I’d better try it again. I also bought a journal for my almost teenager’s birthday.
I tend to just want to blog when I write, but then I think I am censoring. I probably am, but it seems like I can’t write fast enough here. I can type a lot faster than writing it out by hand. I like writing on my blog because I like getting the feedback and then I think I may be helping someone. Also, even though it goes public, I know that no one in my house will read it unlike if I leave it lying around here in this notebook.
Maybe I’ll try it (blogging it.) Maybe I won’t. I can’t decide. I don’t know why I am so skittish about laying it all out there. I feel like no one would care to hear about the day-to-day little worries of my heart; like how I am having trouble with self care tasks; how it takes incredible effort to get myself to shower some days; how tired I am each day; how many hours I spend in bed while every is off to school and work; how leaving the house is something I’m beginning to dread; how I will have a short burst of energy for an hour or so, only to be followed by a day or two of extreme lethargy; how frustrated I am that a good month of being symptom-free may be coming to an end.
My mind tells me that I need to write of interesting facts, hopeful antidotes, and inspiring solutions. I want to offer answers, hope and ideas, but sometimes I forget that identification with the symptoms, the worry, the sadness, the depression, the illness is just as important, if not more so, for myself and others to not feel alone; to feel connected to another human being, even if virtually. To know that they are not the only one going through this turmoil and anguish is sometimes more comforting and helpful than reading about ways in which to alleviate such feelings.
I hope I have done that for at least one person today.
Photo credit: Pascal Maramis / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)