Tag Archives: bipolar disorder

Non-Prescritption Drugs and Mental Illness

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I wrote in my last post about how I was going to wean off of caffeine and nicotine. So far, I have significantly reduced my caffeine intake. I am down to a half a cup of tea per day. Not bad! Very excited that I haven’t triggered any migraines as well.

I have been cigarette free for 4 days now. Using the gum and smokeless device, so not completely nicotine free yet, but feel so much “cleaner” than when I smoked the real things (due to the taste, smell, etc.)

Feeling calm and encouraged. More to come…

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Mental Illness and Non-Prescription Drugs

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I’ve suffered severe multiple migraine pains this week, knowing that stress, a milk allergy and hormones are to blame. As I reflected on this I started to wonder to what degree other outside factors, such as nicotine and caffeine, are affecting the way I feel physically, mentally and emotionally throughout the day.

cigarettes

I find myself feeling sick after my morning coffee and cigarette. I experience flu-like symptoms everyday starting around three o’clock and lasting through dinner. I’m trying to lose weight and believe the light-headedness and fatigue, achiness and depression are the results of low blood sugar levels during this time of the day.  I also suspect that caffeine withdrawal is at work here.

coffee

I really want to be caffeine and nicotine free so that I can be more mindful of my body and mind’s sensations without the influence of these drugs (and more so, their unpleasant withdrawal effects.)

So, wish me luck as I wean myself off. I pray that the migraines stay away.

Have you ever been addicted to nicotine, caffeine, alcohol or other drugs and were able to quit? How did it affect your mental illness? Or if you are still using, what effects (negative and/or positive) do they have on your moods?

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Video Post on DBT Distress Tolerance Skills of Self-Soothe Five Senses

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Hi, guys. Here is a very short video post on the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Distress Tolerance skill (developed by Marsha Linehan) called Self-Soothe through Five Senses.

After watching the video, let me know what you do to soothe your senses by leaving a comment below. Thanks, and I hope you have a soothing day!

Mental Illness and Anonymity

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mental illness anonymity

There are several reasons why I choose to maintain my anonymity on this mental illness blog.

The primary reason is to avoid hurting family members, specifically my parents. Many of my mental illness symptoms, in particular my anxiety, are directly related to childhood events. For me to publicly identify myself while revealing facts about my upbringing would be harmful to my parents and other family members.

Even though there are benefits of adding my face and real name to the content of this blog, such as increased credibility and to support the cause for an end to the mental illness stigma, I will not do so at the expense of another’s peace of mind and privacy.

The second biggest reason I choose to maintain my anonymity is to maintain a sense of humbleness to my message. Money, power, and prestige are not my goals. Sharing what it is like to have mental illnesses and what I do to strive for healing and peace are my goals, with the hope to inspire others struggling with similar issues.

My greatest wish is that no one ever feels like they are unique. People need to know that they are not the only ones who feel the way they do, that someone else understands how they feel and has gone through what they are going through.

Another reason I choose to maintain my anonymity is because just as I would not announce at my job or highschool reunion or in a restaurant, whether it be to a large group of people or just one or two persons I didn’t know well, that I have a mental illness, why should I do so online?

I tell those whom I am close to, to those whom I trust, when the time is appropriate and when I believe it would be helpful to the situation. Anything beyond this is not necessary for me.

This is what works for me. It may be the same, or different, for you. What are your thoughts on online anonymity and mental illness?

Thoughts on Greenberg, a Mental Patient, a Movie

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Today, I watched the movie Greenberg, which was released back in 2010, but I had never seen it until now. It is about a 40-year-old man named Roger Greenberg (played by Ben Stiller) who recently suffered a “nervous breakdown”, and takes some time away from his New York life to house-sit for his brother in L.A.

movie, Greenberg, mental patient, mental illness

My educated guess is that Greenberg is bipolar, although a brief “stay in a mental hospital” is all that is mentioned. His erratic behavior, self-obsession, hypercriticism, mania, impulsivity, and anger issues cause many problems in his relationships with others and with his own peace of mind. Sound familiar?

He hooks up with his brother’s assistant, Florence, a passive somewhat flighty 25-year-old, who offered the most memorable line in the movie for me as she was talking to her friend about Greenberg:

“You can tell that a lot of normal stuff is really hard for him.”

…like maintaining friendships, hosting a get-together, shopping, driving, and taking care of the family dog when it becomes ill, to name a few.

As big of an A-hole as this Greenberg could be, I felt bad for him because a lot of normal stuff is really hard for me, too, and I often get frustrated with myself…the same way Greenberg’s brother and friends get with him for “not trying harder” or “not being able to control his emotional outbursts” or “obsessing over things.”

Florence seems to see beyond Greenberg’s neurotic behaviors. She sees him not as the jerk he is on the outside, but as a person who is victim to a disease he can’t completely control.

It was a weird movie that left me feeling unsettled because it wasn’t one of those feel-good endings like he conquered all of his demons and was cured. He was still the same…just a bit more grounded with her in his life.

This post isn’t meant to be a movie review. It is meant to process the take away message I gathered, which is that Greenberg’s an ass because he has a mental illness and he’s lucky he found someone who understands that.

Seems rather depressing to me, but is this reality for some of us…if we are lucky?

What are your thoughts? How many rude, obnoxious, mean people do you know? Have you ever considered the fact that they may have a mental illness whose symptoms are flaring up? And that if they didn’t have a mental illness, they might be fairly tolerable and decent to people the majority of the time? Is mental illness an excuse for bad behavior or merely an explanation, or both?

How Abnormal Are You?

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abnormal mental illness

“The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal…Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does. They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.”  ~ Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

This quote kind of blows my mind. If I understand it correctly, Huxley is saying that those who are normal, or well-adjusted to life, are actually the abnormal ones, and those of us (myself included) who are “neurotic” or according the psychoanalytical theory have a:

“poor ability to adapt to one’s environment, an inability to change one’s life patterns, and the inability to develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality” as evident by mental illnesses such as depression, acute or chronic anxiety, obsessive–compulsive tendencies, specific phobias, such as social phobia, arachnophobia or any number of other phobias, and some personality disorders: paranoid, schizotypal, borderline, histrionic, avoidant, dependent and obsessive–compulsive

are the normal ones.

What do you think about this? Do you agree with this view of what is normal versus abnormal? Do you think that those of us with mental illness are more sensitive to the tragedies and injustices of the world? If so, why are those who aren’t as sensitive considered to be “normal” in the sense that they are mentally healthier than those of us with mental illness? Who are really the sick ones here?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below. Any type of discussion this quote may spark is appreciated.

Experiencing Guilt for Having Psychological Limitations

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“Sometimes we just can’t, and that’s ok. Sometimes we kind of can, but the energy trade-off just isn’t worth it. Society demands that we keep overcoming, overcoming, overcoming. But we don’t have to. Nowhere is it written that to be a really real human you have to brute force your way through your limits. Nowhere is it written that not doing so makes you less worthy.” ~ Author, unknown

It is Easter Sunday and I am experiencing guilt for not being able to take my kids to church (and not getting myself there as well.) The crowds, parking, and stress of it all is more than I can bear, I know from experience. Plus, my husband is working which makes it all the more difficult to handle since I am on my own.

On top of that, we will be with family later on this afternoon…loud, excited kids, my siblings and their kids, my parents, all cramped into a tiny house for the evening…need I say more?!

Here’s another kicker – a mess up with my medication refill leaves me with no anti-anxiety pills this weekend. Kind of a WTF? moment…

Thinking about it all makes me want to shut down OR fall into a panic attack. I feel like my body doesn’t know which one to choose.

What I am choosing however, is to try and sit back and observe all of these thoughts and feelings as I would if I was watching another person go through them.

Acknowledging them, not fighting them, but also not making them who I really am…separating my thoughts and my feelings from my true self (who is simply a consciousness/higher self comprised solely of peace and love) seems to really help.

Maybe some would call this a form of detachment, and in a real sense I suppose that is what it is. Reminds me of that saying “Go to your happy place” – the place in your mind where no one or nothing can hurt you. Only this place isn’t in my mind. It is outside of my mind.

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I picture it floating directly above my mind. Although, it is not a place but more of a presence, an aura so to speak.

And in this entity I am not escaping from reality but rather engaging in it as an observer…not a fighter or a victim or any kind of participant, but simply as an observer that knows – believes – deep down that all is ok, that I am ok no matter what thoughts and feelings are happening inside my mind.

It truly is a peaceful phenomenon on this joyous Easter morn. I do hope you are having positive thoughts and feelings today. And if not, I pray you can access your higher self – that space outside of your mind but still within you that can sit back and observe and know that it is safe, it is happy, and it is pure love.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts today. I would love to hear yours. Feel free to leave a comment if you are so compelled. Until next time…

Wil

Clinical Depression While Life is Good

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depression

Guess what? My life is awesome! I have a great husband, supportive family, sweet although moody pre-teens, cute little dogs, financial security, spirituality, good health, friends, great doctors, good medical care, and outside of the normal stresses of motherhood, nothing to complain about.

So what’s the problem you ask? I am going crazy in mind and body! Panic attacks in the form of heart palpitations have played guerilla warfare on me all day.

For the past five weeks my moods having been swinging back and forth, progressively reaching further toward each extreme.

For the past three weeks I’ve been crying, sad, irritable, losing my temper, and anxious.

Over the past two weeks, my mind’s eye has jumped from one self-harm thought to another with increasing frequency and severity. These are not thoughts I consciously think of nor do I dwell on them when they occur. They pop up out of the blue, usually during extreme stress-states.

I say “stress-states” instead of “stressful times” because my external surroundings are not extremely stressful, but my internal states are. Short of kicking everyone out of the house so that I can be alone in complete silence, these are the symptoms I am currently having to cope with.

The suicidal thoughts concern me. I become especially scared when they start to feel as if they control me rather than the other way around. So, I told my husband about them – all of them – in detail. I feel relieved. They have less power over me now. I will be calling my doctor and therapist on Monday as well.

It is important for us and others to know that mental illness is a disease, like cancer and diabetes. Yes, there are external factors that influence the disease state – smoking habits, diet, exercise, stress, etc. – but, sometimes cancer comes back, and blood-sugar levels fall despite our best efforts.

And sometimes, even though life is going good, people get depressed. And it is not their fault. It is no one’s fault. It just is. And that is ok, if it is dealt with in healthy ways.

Talk to someone. Call your doctor. Be completely honest. Go easy on yourself. It is not your fault.

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