Category Archives: Research, Reviews & Resources

Thoughts on Greenberg, a Mental Patient, a Movie

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Today, I watched the movie Greenberg, which was released back in 2010, but I had never seen it until now. It is about a 40-year-old man named Roger Greenberg (played by Ben Stiller) who recently suffered a “nervous breakdown”, and takes some time away from his New York life to house-sit for his brother in L.A.

movie, Greenberg, mental patient, mental illness

My educated guess is that Greenberg is bipolar, although a brief “stay in a mental hospital” is all that is mentioned. His erratic behavior, self-obsession, hypercriticism, mania, impulsivity, and anger issues cause many problems in his relationships with others and with his own peace of mind. Sound familiar?

He hooks up with his brother’s assistant, Florence, a passive somewhat flighty 25-year-old, who offered the most memorable line in the movie for me as she was talking to her friend about Greenberg:

“You can tell that a lot of normal stuff is really hard for him.”

…like maintaining friendships, hosting a get-together, shopping, driving, and taking care of the family dog when it becomes ill, to name a few.

As big of an A-hole as this Greenberg could be, I felt bad for him because a lot of normal stuff is really hard for me, too, and I often get frustrated with myself…the same way Greenberg’s brother and friends get with him for “not trying harder” or “not being able to control his emotional outbursts” or “obsessing over things.”

Florence seems to see beyond Greenberg’s neurotic behaviors. She sees him not as the jerk he is on the outside, but as a person who is victim to a disease he can’t completely control.

It was a weird movie that left me feeling unsettled because it wasn’t one of those feel-good endings like he conquered all of his demons and was cured. He was still the same…just a bit more grounded with her in his life.

This post isn’t meant to be a movie review. It is meant to process the take away message I gathered, which is that Greenberg’s an ass because he has a mental illness and he’s lucky he found someone who understands that.

Seems rather depressing to me, but is this reality for some of us…if we are lucky?

What are your thoughts? How many rude, obnoxious, mean people do you know? Have you ever considered the fact that they may have a mental illness whose symptoms are flaring up? And that if they didn’t have a mental illness, they might be fairly tolerable and decent to people the majority of the time? Is mental illness an excuse for bad behavior or merely an explanation, or both?

Light Therapy Box

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I slacked off on using my light therapy box recently and noticed a gradual return of my rapid cycling bipolar symptoms, namely dipping in and out of hypomania from a depressed state.

My doctor said it shouldn’t affect my moods this way; if anything, I should have noticed an increase in the depression. I agree.

Thus, I appear to just be going through some random cycling. Although…

since getting back to my twice a day schedule on the light box I have been feeling much more regulated this week. Not depressed, not so much hypomanic.

Do you use a light box? Join in the discussion on the Facebook page here. I’m trying to get it up and going so come on by! Thanks so much.

Co-occurring Disorders

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I found this helpful article on causes and solutions of having dual diagnoses (substance abuse AND mental illness.) I wanted to bring to you some interesting facts and highlights. To view the handout in its entirety click here to download the Hazelden Foundation’s pdf.

Factors involved in the development of psychiatric disorders:

1. Vulnerability (determined by genetics and early life experiences)
2. Stress (challenges faced in life)

Factors that can help reduce symptoms and relapses:

1. Abstaining from alcohol and drug use

“Avoiding alcohol and drug use can reduce biological vulnerability in two ways. First, because substances affect the brain, using alcohol or drugs can directly worsen those vulnerable parts of the brain associated with psychiatric disorders. Second, using substances can interfere with the corrective effects of medication on vulnerability. This means that somebody who is using alcohol or drugs will not get the full benefit of any prescribed medications for his or her disorder, leading to worse symptoms and a greater chance of relapses.”

2. Take prescription medications according to your doctor’s orders
3. Learn to use positive coping skills
4. Develop social support systems
5. Engage in meaningful activities

Which factors are you incorporating into your life to help reduce symptoms and prevent relapses? Which factors do you need to add?

Is Mental Illness Popular?

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Is mental illness a hot topic? I am not sure, but you all have been doing an awesome job at reading and sharing my posts because according to blog industry experts, the more popular your blog becomes the more s-p-a-m it is likely to get. Thank God for Akismet!

Next month is Write into the Light’s 2-year blogiversary!

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…which has me reflecting on my current goals for this blog as well as for Turtle Way’s blog (Turtle Way is a compilation of works submitted by artists and writers who have mental illness or have been affected by others with mental illness.)

Current Goals (in no particular order:)

  • I toyed with the idea of stopping Turtle Way’s publication until I reviewed the recent stats and saw that the issue released back in January is still receiving a great number of views. Yay! I love that people continue to (hopefully) gain strength and support from the artists and writers published there.
  • This brings me to Write into the Light’s original and primary purpose which is to offer understanding, strength and hope to all persons sufferring from mental illness.
  • In that light (no pun intended :) ), I am going to place a lot of time and effort this year into finding a publisher for my daily meditation book. The daily reflections are written specifically for persons who have mental illness.
  • The newest and final goal I have to share with you, thus far, is to assemble a list of subscribers who would like to be part of a pilot audience for my book. This would involve receiving sneak-peeks of my daily reflections and providing feedback as necessary on how they affect you…if they help you cope with your illness or not…if they make sense to you or not…etc.

I have yet to finalize the logistics on this, but I am thinking of doing it either by email or password protected posts.

If you are interested in being a part of this pilot study and are willing to provide honest feedback (like serious critique) on how helpful or not-working-for-you-at-all these writings are, please email me at writeintothelight@live.com or leave a comment below.

10 Simple Ways to Beat the Winter Blues

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bluesIf you are like me then winter is not your friend. The cold, dreary days tend to drag on, as cabin fever sets in and depression, boredom, lack of motivation and lethargy begin to choke the life out of me.

I came across this entertaining, well-written article on Psych Central by author, Therese J. Borchard. Borchard lists these suggestions to help you battle the winter blues.

1.  Be of service to others

I started cooking new-to-us, healthy recipes as my husband and I committed to losing weight before bathing suit season arrives. I feel like I am doing something extra special for my family as I spend an hour or more each night chopping, dicing, and slicing fresh fruits and vegetables, and preparing scrumptious home-cooked meals. The weekly planning and execution of such dishes (compared to a box meal or popping a pizza in the oven) alone helps to battle my boredom as well.

2.  Join a gym

I did this – Yeah!!! The problem?  I never went! A gym is a great idea for some, but not for me. Because of my anxiety, I have a hard enough time getting out of the house for essentials like doctor’s appointments. I am more successful with a mile walk around the neighborhood where I can take my time and hide behind my sunglasses rather than going to the gym and risk having to interact with anyone.

3.  Use a light lamp

I do this, and it helps a lot. After 45 minutes in front of my light, I feel energized and ready to get off the couch and do something productive (like make those dinners.) I use my light twice a day, once in the morning and once in the late afternoon. It really does work.

4.  Wear bright colors

I am an earthy kind of girl, wearing lots of browns, blacks, and greens.  Neutral colors fill my closets, so I have not tried this suggestion out, but it makes sense that bright colors could lift your mood.

This morning, I walked into a new doctor’s office and the walls were painted a dreamcicle, creamy orange, and adorned with bright impressionist paintings.  It was a breath of fresh air.  I literally felt calmer and happier as I sat there, surrounded by these bright, yet soft, colors.

5.  Force yourself outside

I step outside when I let the dogs out, mainly to have a cigarette, but hey at least I am getting out!  I also go for walks outdoors.

6.  Hang out with friends

This is a tricky area for me.  I meet with a small group of women once a week and overall, it helps my mood.  Having face-time with close friends definitely enhances my emotional well-being, but too much of it drains me physically and mentally.  Migraines often follow visits that last too long.  My limit for any type of social situation is about two hours.

7.  Head south

We have always taken our family vacations during the summer months when the kids are out of school.  Last year, however, I convinced my husband to head south during the month of December specifically for this reason – to battle my seasonal depression.  It worked…for that month anyway.

We will probably do it again next year, but will shoot for January or February instead.  The December trip was great, don’t get me wrong, but I think my depression really takes a nose dive after the holidays, so a trip in January would be more ideal.

8.  Learn something new or start a home project

This winter I have been editing our home videos.  I even splurged and bought a software program to add fun effects to them.  It takes me several hours to do a ten minute video, but the results are very cool and satisfying.

Creative projects like video editing, painting, and photography keep my mind off the bleak weather conditions.  When my hands are idle, my mind wanders and that is never a good thing for me.

9.  Limit sugar intake

Sugar-crashes and weight gain….’nuf said.

10.  Take Omega-3′s

My suggestion on this is to talk to your doctor.  I take them, but I don’t feel they make a huge difference (if any at all) on my emotional health.

What do you do to battle the winter blues?  Share your tips in the comments.  Also, while you’re here, I invite you to subscribe to this blog.  Thanks and have a blue-free day.

How to Manage Anxiety Using DBT Skills

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I am experiencing extreme anxiety right now. It started yesterday in anticipation of my first DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) group session, and now, I am reeling from the after-effects of the stress of being in this new situation. I also had to drive a good distance to get there last night, in the dark, both of which increased my anxiety.

I learned all the DBT skills on a one-to-one basis with my therapist over the past year and a half, but felt that I needed to start going to the group to stay focused on continued use of the skills.

The DBT skills, developed by Marsha Linehan, are categorized into four topics:

1. Mindfulness
2. Emotional Regulation
3. Distress Tolerance
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness

Right now I am having a hard time regulating my anxiety, so I got out my DBT notebook and took the following actions:

Spent about 10 minutes in quiet mindfulness, focusing on my heart in a meditative kind of way in order to get out the racing thoughts in my head; paid attention to the physical sensations of my body to identify the emotion I am experiencing. Sensations I noticed included tense muscles, racing heart, shallow, rapid breathing, and nervous tics such as tapping my foot or finger.

I also took note of my urges which included, to run away, to numb with drugs or alcohol, to sleep as an escape, to stuff or ignore my feelings by compulsively cleaning the house – all things that I know from experience only make matters worse, so I refrained from doing any of them, and instead started writing this blog post – started “writing into the light.”

I am now looking at a DBT handout on how to stay out of “emotion mind” which suggests six ways to reduce vulnerability to negative emotions:

1. Treat physical illness: I did take an anti-anxiety pill before I started writing this and that is helping. I will pick up a prescription I need from the pharmacy even though I don’t want to leave the house.

2. Balance eating: I binged last night on Fritos. Today, I will try to eat healthier and drink lots of water.

3. Avoid mood altering drugs: Haven’t had any of those in over eight years.

4. Balance Sleep: Sleep was rough last night because when I am anxious I have strong, disturbing dreams, and I awake in the morning feeling unrested with tense muscles and a headache. Some things are just out of my control.

5. Get exercise: I will take a walk.

6. Build mastery: I will work on a creative project.

I will also call my husband and a trusted friend to talk about my struggles today. And maybe I’ll take a hot bath to relax my muscles.

When was the last time you experienced anxiety? What do you think caused it? How did you handle it? What positive coping skills did you use or could have used?

The Most Common Types of Mental Illness Disorders

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According to WebMD, the most common types of mental illness are

  1. Anxiety disorders – generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobias
  2. Mood disorders – depression, mania, and bipolar disorder
  3. Psychotic disorders – such as schizophrenia
  4. Eating disorders – anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder
  5. Addiction disorders – such as compulsive gambling and alcohol and drug abuse
  6. Personality disorders – such as borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and paranoid personality disorder

TRIGGER WARNING

I have never put a trigger warning on one of my posts, but feel that this warrants one since I am not in a good spot, and desperately need to write this out in order to get feedback from those who have felt like I am feeling now.  Triggers include self-harm, suicide, and substance abuse.

PROBLEM #5 — DEPRESSION (Bear with me; I am working a bit backwards.)

I am depressed and the depression is telling me, “no one understands; you are the only one who feels this way; you are just crazy and utterly hopeless; etc., etc.” I have been through this enough times to know that these negative, intrusive thoughts are part of the disease. Nonetheless, knowing doesn’t make them go away, or significantly less disconcerting.

PROBLEM #1 — ANXIETY

It all started with persistent anxiety, which I have been experiencing now, for the last five months. My anxiety is constantly high to the point that I don’t even realize it is at an unsafe level until I take an anti-anxiety pill.

SOLUTION #1

After taking a pill, my racing thoughts, irrational fears, and excessive physical energy all subside. My body and mind expel huge sighs of relief. I feel less fractured, sometimes even whole.

SOLUTION #1 BECOMES PROBLEM #2 — SUBSTANCE ABUSE

My doctor prescribes four anti-anxiety pills a month for me, leaving me to decide how to ration them, which is difficult to do if my anxiety is high at the beginning of the month and again at the end of the month. She used to prescribe more pills at a time, and I would take them as needed. One prescription usually lasted five or six months, until about a year and a half ago when I noticed I was watching the clock, waiting for when I could take another dose; looking forward to my next dose.

Due to my history of substance abuse, and because my suicide attempt three years ago involved a mix of over the counter pain relievers and a bottle of anti-anxiety medicine, I immediately told my doctor about my developing dependence and emerging urges to abuse this medication. I am grateful for this healthy fear of becoming an active addict again, because I know that if I am not sober, my other mental illnesses will spiral out of control, and for me, this means death. I don’t want to die, not really. I do, however, want to be free of this mental agony.

SOLUTION #2

Therefore, a few weeks ago, my doctor increased the dosage of one of my anti-depressants, because new research shows that this dose of this medicine significantly lower anxiety levels. My doctor warned me, however, that an increase in anti-depressants for someone with Bipolar Disorder, like me, can trigger mania or rapid cycling moods.

SOLUTION #2 BECOMES PROBLEM #3 – RAPID CYCLING BIPOLAR

After four days on the higher dose, my moods started cycling up and down within the same day, similar to how people (including myself) with emotional regulation disorders such as borderline personality, feel throughout their day. Only in this case, the coping skills I learned through DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) were ineffective.

Below is an image of my September mood chart which details my symptoms. (For best viewing results, click on image and then zoom to 150%.)

PROBLEM #4 — BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

I think these severe and rapid mood swings have now put me in crisis mode, exacerbating borderline personality traits that had been under control for the last six months.

SOLUTION #3???

My next doctor’s appointment is in two days. In the meantime, I believe my best hope is to keep talking to others about what’s going on with me, definitely keep writing about it (I feel ten times better than I did when I began this post), practice mindfulness through meditation and creative arts (for me, this includes painting and scrapbooking), and practice ‘distracting’ such as watching a funny movie or reading a good book versus obsessively cleaning and organizing, which seem to increase my anxiety.

(I used to think cleaning and moving furniture around and organizing were healthy distractors, but I realized that I often become obsessive-compulsive with these behaviors and use then as avoidance coping skills. In other words, I use them as an escape from my reality, from what I am feeling, from the pain, in the same way I used to use alcohol and drugs.)

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS

Tie a knot in the end of the rope and hang on. Two days; just two more days. “And then what? What if the Doc doesn’t have any other solutions for you to try?” says my depression, to which I reply, “Shut the fuck up!”

Any thoughts?

Are You Emotional, Logical, or Wise?

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photo credit

 

Sadness engulfed me. I lied down, eyes half-closed, and sighed repeatedly, barely audible. Colors faded into shades of grey, and every day noises became irritating. The television on upstairs, the ball bouncing against the sliding glass door, and the red-headed 4 year-old playing loudly in the yard behind ours soon became like mobsters taking sledge hammers to my knees or terrorists using pliers to separate the nails from my fingers.

BOOM! I startled when my daughter jumped off the couch upstairs. Minutes later, she sneezed causing my arms to jerk, my heart rate to elevate and my respirations to quicken. I was surprised at this visceral response and scared because I did not understand it.

The vicious cycle began as the anxiety worsened because I wanted to understand where this anxiety came from, what it was all about…what I was all about, but I didn’t know how to go about seeking these answers.

In addition, part of me was scared to find out, but I was more scared not to find out. I hated myself – a self that I didn’t even know. Doesn’t make much sense does it? I hated how I felt, but I have learned that feelings are not facts. What a concept! They come and go faster than a man at a brothel if…I stay in what Marsha Linehan calls the “Wise Mind.”

The wise mind takes subjective emotions (in my example above those include sadness, fear, anxiety, self-hate) and compares them with the objective facts of a situation or environment. It’s the internal versus the external. Are they cohesive? Does one make sense in light of the other? The wise mind answers these questions.

I used to oscillate between emotional mind and logical mind daily. My emotions did not match the facts of my surroundings. These every day noises were not a threat to me, so why was my body going into flight or fight mode? I knew my body was overreacting and this made me hate myself. What was wrong with me? Was I just a crazy freak? Was I too sensitive, as my mom always told me? Was I losing my mind? Was something horrible about to happen? Was it a premonition, a warning, a spiritual prophecy?

As you can see, my emotional mind had a strong hold on me. I had to spend more time in logical mind mode. I had to give my logical mind more ammunition to combat these irrational thoughts. I had to find out why I reacted this way before my wise mind could reconcile these discrepancies. I had to find out so that I could be at peace.

In sum, my emotional thoughts lead to anxiety, my logical thoughts lead to self-hate, and now, after a year of DBT (counseling)…on most days, my wise mind is able to acknowledge the logical mind’s truth while also soothing the emotional mind. I have to validate both. One is not better or worse than the other, good or bad, hot or cold, saint or sinner. They are what makes me human – intelligent while loving, rational while empathetic, firm while compassionate. It’s balance, people. It’s all about the balance.

Do you spend more time in emotional mind or logical mind? How do you try to maintain a balance between the two?

Patron Saint of Mental Illness

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May 15th is the feast day of Saint Dymphna, the patron saint of mental illness. For more information click here.

We do not know for certain how we will react in a particular situation until we are actually there. Multiple factors influence our thoughts, emotions and actions at any given moment. These factors may be outside of ourselves or come from within.

As humans, we all suffer from ailments, whether it is for a week with the flu, years with cancer, or a lifetime with mental illness. We must not forget that like the flu and cancer, mental illness is not a weakness or character flaw. It is an affliction of the mind/body that colors the way our soul/spirit experiences this world. Without help it is too much for us.

Have you ever prayed for someone? Do you ever ask others to pray for you?

Today, I ask St. Dymphna to pray to God for me and for all those who have mental illness.